“But the hour is coming, and is now here, when true worshippers will worship the Father in Spirit and in truth; and indeed the Father seeks such people to worship Him.”
John 4: 23
For the past few weeks, I haven’t been the authentic worshipper that God seeks, that God deserves. Ever since the start of school, my technical and analytical machine of a brain turned on and everything about school and my studies were organized to the smallest detail. It was good at first because I was able to balance my time for service and time for studies. But then all the scheduling and studying took its toll. Instead of feeling more relaxed because of my organized homework and studies, I felt even more stressed.
I love God and I love serving Him. Every time I get up on stage, I have this butterfly feeling in my stomach that slowly fades as the music starts. I’m a very musical person, so for me, music is my way of expressing love. When I have something in my heart that I want to tell the Lord but can’t express it in words, I sing it. I sing to Him.
The last time I remember being so lost in God’s presence was at GenRev Camp ’09. The teachings these past few weeks have really struck me. I realized how technical I have been with my studies. Not only that, I’ve been so technical about my service, which is just an overflow of my love for God, my relationship with Him. I realized that this isn’t the service that God deserves. This is not the worship that He deserves.
Last Friday, when Sis Jane came here to Davao, we sang “Heal Me Lord” during the worship. I really felt the presence of the Lord that night. I felt the fire burning within me again as I asked for forgiveness and as I sang my heart out to the Lord. The song seemed to flow more naturally out of me. I sang what was in my heart knowing that God would hear me, would hear my cry. I felt the breath knocked out of me and before I knew it, I was on the floor kneeling, with tears in my eyes. I couldn’t hear the music from the instruments anymore. I couldn’t hear my fellow servants anymore. I felt a tightening in my throat so I couldn’t sing at all anymore, but my heart was screaming. Although no sound came out of my mouth, my heart was screaming out loud, “I’m sorry Lord. I’m sorry.” Then I felt two hands touch the crown of my head. I heard tito Mark praying in my ear, “Whatever mistakes you did in the past, the Lord has forgotten them. He has forgiven you.” After his prayer, I was totally undone. I felt refreshed and revived.
I learned that true worship can only be achieved when I have a personal relationship with the Lord. My service, my studies, they are all a form of worship. To worship God in Spirit and in truth means laying down all my imperfections and sins; confessing that I am nothing without Him; breaking down the wall of pride entirely and glorifying his name with no reservations.
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