On Learning To Be Humble

Ever since I went to high school, everything changed for me. From being the most popular kid in school (as in student council president, valedictorian, lead role in school play, you name it!) to being the silent demure girl from III-Sodium. The old me was the one girl everybody in school liked. She was the teacher’s, even the principal’s, favorite. The only problem with the old me is that she kept everything for herself. She wanted all the glory. She wanted to be the best of the best. She wanted to please everyone around her and be everything for everyone.

Two years ago, in GenRev Camp at Dauin, Dumaguete, I decided to walk through “the door” declaring “I’m yours Lord!” That was the turning point of my life. That was it, and there’s no turning back. That meant giving up all the glory and achievements and laying them down at His feet. Then I realized, what do I have that I could ever boast of? What does everything I value - physical appearance, intelligence, achievements, talents - matter in eternity? God’s word says in Galatians 6:14 “But may I never boast except in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ, through which the world has been crucified to me, and I to the world.” In order for me to really give everything up to the Lord, the first thing I had to get rid off was my pride. The moment I stepped through that door, I was brought to tears. It was really just the Holy Spirit who compelled me to do it. At that time, I didn’t think of anything else. There was only one thing in my mind, “I surrender. I’m yours Lord.” True enough, God wanted to test my loyalty. In my freshman year, everyone in my batch avoided me. They didn’t want to be involved in anything that included me all because a group of boys teased me for being such a Jesus freak and influenced other people to join in the persecution. My family was oblivious to everything that was happening (actually, they still don’t know anything about this). At first, whenever I stepped in school, tears would well up in my eyes and my heart would get incredibly heavy. I asked the Lord for a message then he sent me to Sirach 2:1, “My son, when you come to serve the Lord, prepare yourself for trials.” I was speechless and in tears. I knew then that whatever I was going through was necessary. “For in fire gold is tested and worthy men in the crucible of humiliation” (Sirach 2:5). For years, I put up with persecutions here and there, but what they thought of me didn’t matter anymore. I kept my eyes fixed on Him. All of the devil’s attempts to shake me were pointless. God kept me up and I learned to depend on him.

I was at an incredibly low point of my life but ironically, I was extremely happy. I received persecutions with a smile knowing that each one helped me grow stronger in the Lord. I don’t mean for this blog to be too preachy, but I state my life as it is. Before, I felt like the weight of the world was on my shoulders, but when I started to fill that God-shaped whole, that weight was lifted. An even heavier load was placed on my shoulders, a great big burden for souls. It’s really heavy but now I have God with me. When I decided to set myself apart for the Lord’s service, life became bitter, but God even sweeter. Bro. Willy Nakar states that, “God allows brokenness in our lives to break our will and keep us dependent on Him. All of the crushing misfortune is to bring us to the point where we have to turn to the Lord and trust Him.” It was time to consider my trials and hardships as nothing but joy. Right then and there, God revealed something to me, humility is not about giving everything you have and thinking lowly of yourself. I learned of the true meaning of humility, that is, the total dependence on God and embracing the fact that I am nothing without Him. The very people who teased and avoided me before are now my friends, and I’ve come to distinguish a few people as true friends who’d stand by me no matter what. I’ve come a long way in learning about humility and still have a long way to go. I haven’t come to the point of total surrender yet. But, I know that it’s only then that I will be able to receive the full extent of his blessings.

I still go through persecutions, though it’s not like before. Now it comes in different ways, may it be in the form of family hardships or difficult circumstances. But what matters now is longevity, the minute by minute commitment that stretches out into a lifetime of dedication.